End of Vacation/End of Potential/Fibonacci Too

My vacation from work ends on Sunday.

SIGH

I loved hanging around the house, seeing family and getting a good night's sleep on a regular basis. When I work all three are so rare that this was a real treat! The three weeks went by so quickly! Now I have to wait until October for my second installment of vacation '06.

Why can't I think of one person who enjoys their job?

I just wonder why it has to be this way. How did I go from a motivated journalist wannabe determined to make it in television to a defeatist flight attendant? I can chart the course and see the missteps and wish it wasn't so. Somewhere along the line my confidence eroded as I pursued my dream. I knew my strength lay in writing yet somehow always had to do something else to pay the bills. So, is it too late? Can a 36 year old with a mortgage and debt somehow transform herself into a writing sensation? I doubt a change is possible and at the same time desperately hope it can occur. I just want to accomplish more in this world.

How does one work in their passion? How does one manage to find the time? I have no clue how to balance the two. Any suggestions?

For now, in honour of the little writing I managed to do while on break, here is a poem I wrote. It's a Fibonacci poem just because I jumped on the bandwagon after reading about the trend. Why not? It inspired me and they are totally addictive! Way more fun than Sudoku.

I called the poem Hidden. Here it is...

Speak
and
I will
hear your voice
listen and you will
open enigmatic secrets

Tamar A./ April 2006

If I were a dog ...

This is who I would be.

I'm an ENTLEBUCHER SENNENHUND (ENTELBACH MOUNTAIN DOG). How cute!

This is according to the website http://www.gone2thedogs.com/ (Click on Games on the left and then follow the instructions on the right).
The description of this dog rings true. I definately am much happier when given more space.
This got me to thinking though and brought me back in a way to my previous entry. If I were a dog I would feel pleasure and pain. I would love and be lonely. I would seek companionship and affection. In other words, I would have very similar emotions to what I have now - not so different from the me in human form.
This is why I try to avoid species-ism - that ranking of hierarchal upper and lower beings. That is why I try to tread lightly on this earth and avoid that squirrel on the road, offer food to a stray cat, sprinkle some seeds for the birds and donate to various animal causes.
I read a wonderful editorial in the Toronto Star yesterday (22/4/06) in the Religion section by Punnadhammo Bhikkhu that states that animals are not so very different from us.
(http://www.thestar.com/NASApp/cs/ContentServer?pagename=thestar/Layout/Article_Type1&c=Article&cid=1145483414729&call_pageid=970599119419)
Punnadhammo is an ordained Theravadan Buddhist monk and abbot of the Arrow River Community Center, a Buddhist forest monastery near Thunder Bay in Northern Ontario. I had never heard about him before. The opinion fascinated me. I agree with the published comments as I too believe that animals are conscious beings.

"... they have experience, emotions and are capable of suffering. They are not so very different from us. The mammals especially have social and familial relationships, and no one who has ever shared quarters with a dog or a cat will deny that they are capable of affection. Just imagine the fear, distress and anguish that must ripple through the seal colony as the sealers go abou their bloody work."

The opinion goes on to state concern and question the view of wild animals as a natural resource that exists for humans to harvest as painlessly as a corn field or an apple orchard. The author of the opinion is so much more eloquent than I can ever be. All I can do is sit at home nodding my head as I read the paper, wishing there would be more people with the same view. Hopeful on this Earth Day weekend that more people will be forward thinking about animals as conscious beings, about the environment and our impact in the long term, and about kindness in general.

Maybe we should all find out what kind of dog/cat/hamster/giraffe we would be. Maybe then we would be able to walk in their paws and be more considerate of their needs.

As for me and my inner Entlebucher, according to www.pets.ca I am lively, high spirited, self-assured and fearless. Good tempered and devoted towards people familiar to him. Slightly suspicious of strangers. Cannot be bribed as a watch dog. Cheerful and capable of learning.

Not too shabby!